From Selfishness to Selflessness: Robert Andrews Super Human Fathers Transformation
Download MP3Robert Andrews: me and my wife,
like, people would have thought we
had a, I'll say a good marriage, you
know, we'd been married, we'd been
married for 15 years now, so it's
like, around 13 years at that point.
But, like, I knew that we had, like, I was
not meeting my wife's needs because I was
not able to be present, I was not able to
listen, and I was not really even able to
be, like, intimate in an emotional way.
Like, not a sexual way,
but an emotional way.
Like, so, there was just,
like, no connection.
Like, or, in my mind, I, like, she would
ask me for, for more, and it was like I
couldn't even see what she was asking for.
Like, I was...
Almost like impervious, I felt like I
had a wall built around my heart, um.
I even will say that, like, I felt like my
old self was imprisoned inside of me, and
I can get into that kind of later, um, but
I just, like, couldn't see it, you know?
Like, I just had some filters over my eyes
and I just could not see, and I had been
living that way until I started for a long
time, like, let's say a decade or more.
Kyle Carnohan: Welcome to the Superhuman
Father's Transformation Podcast.
If you're listening to this, you're
about to witness some of the most
incredible transformations that have
ever happened on the planet, and just
by listening to this, you will be
inspired to have your own transformation.
If you're listening to this for the
first time, or you're one of the brothers
in the brotherhood, go leave a review
on the podcast and let the brother or
member know how amazing they did and
how incredible their transformation was.
I'm Kyle Carnahan, founder of
Superhuman Fathers, and not only
am I gonna change your life, I'm
gonna get you ripped as fuck.
Ryan Carnohan: I just love
how we're building philosophy.
We're all philosophers, man, together
like, and I just had the craziest
onboarding call with a couple of new
guys and we're, we are blowing up.
There's the group is growing.
There are so many men
that just want to serve.
And like, and you guys that went through
it, a lot of you, I mean, it's changed a
little bit probably since some of your OGs
came in, but like, I have this invitation,
you know, it's like, will you join me in
this
Ryan Carnohan: pursuit?
To rob men of their excuses by
leveraging your weakness and your
failure and your darkness and your pain.
It's my favorite!
Because that's what we do
here for each other, man.
The fact that Kais has had that
experience, well let's go to Corey first
and maybe Emmett's had experience in it
too because he gave such great advice to
Corey, but Corey Gallop was, you know,
having issues with his boy or with his
kiddo thinking like, this is too late,
I joined Superhuman Fathers too late.
You know?
And it's very vulnerable, transparent with
everybody, like, I've already ruined it!
And Emmett says, like, dude, if
you show up in the present, or you
change your, your, the, the, what,
what your kids remember in the
past, if you show up in the present,
or some powerful shit like that.
Robert Andrews: And it was
Ryan Carnohan: like, WOAH!
And then Cory was able
to share that with me!
And then, and Kyce, because he had seen
it on the Zoom, and then I reminded
Kyce of it, and it was like, BOOM!
And that's what we do here.
Kais, Corey, if he had not gone
to that dark place in his life, he
would never have been able to serve
Kais like that in that moment, when
Robert Andrews: Kais needed it.
And it changed my, my, my mind.
Like,
Ryan Carnohan: instantly, even
though
Robert Andrews: I knew, you know, the
damage was there, that I knew there
Ryan Carnohan: was a way out
and there was a solution.
And it's just to,
Robert Andrews: you know, suck it up, face
Ryan Carnohan: the fact that you fucked
up, correct it, and make it better.
And that's all,
Robert Andrews: that's all,
that's all that needs to be done.
Ryan Carnohan: No lingering around and...
And sorrow and woe is me and I
fucked up my kid for the rest
of his life or none of that
Robert Andrews: shit.
Turning to the bottle
Ryan Carnohan: or weed or
whatever, you know, so, uh, I
love it forever, forever grateful.
It's so beautiful, man.
And that's what we do for each other.
I mean, that's it.
And so any moment, any relationship
in your life that's struggling
right now with your child.
This was the hardest ones, man.
It's hard enough with
your, with your wife.
But then it's your kid.
I'm not there yet.
I mean, I do Kaiseguru straight
up, you know, but like I'm, my kids
are little, but I still struggle.
My four year old, I can't imagine when
it's like they're almost a little adult
and they're saying crazy stuff that
hurts and you're just worried about them.
You don't know how to fix it, you
know, but there's other men in there.
If you're, if you're having
that issue, there's men in here
that are dealing with that.
Reach out, let them know
they're not alone, you know?
Plan with them!
Um, yeah, I don't know, you know,
who I'm talking to on that one, but
you're, you're heard, man, I love you.
Um, and, it's so, wherever your dark
place is, like, dude, Cokewell's in here?
He shared some, he shared, he shared some
dark shit in his freakin transformation.
Zoom, and it was so powerful that
people quote it to this day like it's
doctrine, superhuman father's doctrine.
Earn it in the stairs.
You know, we just freaking,
it's just, this is so powerful.
There are men in this group right
now because, because of Rob, right?
Handsome Rob as he goes,
because he is so damn handsome.
But there are men in this
group because of him.
And he's got a crazy, I mean, we were
just talking earlier about his story and
he's got some crazy shit that happened
that we're gonna have to dig into.
This, so let me give you
a little backstory here.
You know, and Kyle and Rob go
back, like this is, they're homies.
Like, this is straight, like, I was a
little booger just walking around, like,
trying to be cool and they're skating
and hopping into, I was crying, they'd
make me hop into schools to skate in
there, like, and I was like, oh, we're
gonna get caught, you know, I'm scared,
oh, my teacher's gonna get mad, you
know, or whatever, and it's just, just
crazy, and so it's just so fun that
we're still connected here and, and Rob's
very successful in his career, massive
success, and And he just, you know, let
himself go a little bit, maybe a lot
Robert Andrews: a bit,
we'll let him decide.
Yeah, a
Ryan Carnohan: little bit more than that.
You know, we'll let him decide, but, but
still, right, it's just, like, I watched
him and this relationship with Kylan,
we're still all together, we're, you
know, it's just years of this, and, uh,
then he, then, like, we'll get into the
story, but he, he died, like, pretty much,
like, he died of COVID, in this process.
Okay.
Like he's in COVID and like, he
disappears and I'm reaching out.
We find out like his wife's
like, he's not doing well.
And I should not be smiling about
this, but he's here now shredded.
So I can, I'm like, Holy shit.
Like, is Rob going to die?
It's going to kill him, you know?
And he gets back and he joins a zoom call
and he's got like, he's got his oxygen.
His eyes are all fucking crazy.
He's like Jethro, like
he came back to life.
And then, he's like pushing his oxygen
around like an 80 year old man, like, holy
shit, like, what is gonna happen here?
Then he comes back from that!
Comes back from that!
And finishes this shit!
Finishes it in a timely manner, in which
one of, we have a new brother that,
you know, his, his wife saw this, and
he was struggling, and he's in now.
Like, and killing it.
You don't know, you just don't know.
And so, I, I mean...
I should just shut up and we're going
to let Rob kind of get after it.
I'll start with some questions.
We're, we're in here long enough already.
I think, um, how many of
you guys we got in here?
52.
Yes.
Cause they know, we all know how,
Oh, two more coming in to Rob.
We all know how amazing you are.
So I should actually put
them to start this out.
I just say, thank you.
Because that example, especially, you
know, he also had massive progress
with his wife, like insane insanity,
completely different relationship.
So, there's some nuggets there too.
You guys, you can learn from Rob.
So, Rob, I know it's hard to go back.
We were talking about this too,
hard to go back where, where
we were or why we started.
But, um, I kind of want to go there
a little bit and just the spot,
like if I remember the, you know,
we were Dorito Fingers pretty much.
That's like who we were.
Yeah.
You know.
Yeah.
Maybe we'll try to go back
to Dorito Fingers, okay?
Like that's where I wanted to go.
What were you feeling?
And what maybe made you pull the trigger?
Cause it was different back then.
You're an OG, like we're going
back to the beginning guys.
There was maybe what, I don't
know how many guys in here, man,
Robert Andrews: 20 or something.
Yeah, I think, yeah.
Hi everyone.
Thanks for being here.
Um, yeah, maybe 20 guys.
Like I, like, I could probably just like.
recite the names at that time, um, because
of, you know, it, it wasn't that many
and, and it's grown so incredibly fast
and, you know, the people of this group
are the testament of that and the Zoom
calls are the gold, you know, and so,
um, Make those if you can, I will say.
Those always brought me back from
shark infested waters when I got in
the quicksand and, um, And so, yeah,
so just, you know, that, that's,
uh, super important, um, and so in
the beginning, like, where I was
at, like, Ryan, You know, hit the
nail with the hammer with the Cheeto
fingers or whatever Dorito fingers.
It was Doritos, probably
more than Cheetos, but there
was some Cheetos in there.
Because I'm messing with you, Rob.
I love Doritos too.
Yeah, so I, I never really
brought it up, but I'm not sure
if Ryan was, is really pizza boy.
That could have been me, you
know, because I would put, you
know, an entire pizza down too.
And I'd been doing that for a long time.
Um, but so, yeah, like before I started,
man, I was, Progressively getting worse in
my nutrition and I didn't work out at all.
Uh, I used to work out a bit with
Kyle back in the day in high school
when we were skating before he went
on his mission and I think Kyle, you
know, in high school, you know, Kyle
was probably my best friend for a
few years and we skated every day.
Um, he kind of pulled me out of
rollerblading and he used to call
me Georgetown because I'd wear this
Hoya sweatshirt like every day to
school and I met Kyle freshman year.
But, um, You know, I had seen
Superhuman Fathers on his Instagram,
and I was kind of like, Dude, what
the heck is this thing Kyle is doing?
And...
He's got these pictures with dudes like
half naked with him all all greased up
and shredded and I just had like no idea
I was so far from that like exercising at
all, you know after having I had had two
spine surgeries at that point I was like
five years post my second surgery, which
I had like a massive MRSA infection in
my spine from, which ended up like, uh,
I was on a PICC line for like two months,
uh, with vancomycin eight hours a day.
And that was terrifying.
I thought I was going to die then.
It had gone undiagnosed
for like four months.
So I was just like living
a nightmare in 2015.
Um, I hadn't lifted a
weight really since then.
So we're talking about like, Close to
seven years, maybe, something like that.
Six, seven years when I, I, you know,
started and I was, I had taken this new
job, like, uh, as a, I'm a director of
a biotech company, um, of like a, like
a diagnostics, medical diagnostics, um,
division, uh, like a global division, and
I had taken this job and it was a lot and
I was, down in the lab in Sorrento Valley.
Every day, and I was living on Carl's Jr.
and like every fast food place, Taco
Bell, like that's really all I was eating.
My wife was always like encouraging me to
be healthy and I was always just dodging
that and like she didn't even probably
know how bad I was eating, you know.
I was eating butter fingers like every
day I would go into this little deli
on my work and buy like butter fingers
and rice Krispy treats and freaking
monsters and all sorts of crap.
And I got hooked on Jack in
the Box tacos for some reason.
And I was eating that crap for
breakfast with a Coke for, for a while.
And I'm driving, I remember
exactly where I was.
I was in Fallbrook driving
down South Mission.
I had just pulled out a jack in the box.
I had two tacos in my car, in my hand.
I had, uh, um, What did I have, uh, a
large Coke or some crap and I, I was
like looking at Instagram while I was
driving and I saw Kyle Superhuman Father,
you know, video or post or something,
and I was like, so sick and tired of
being sick and tired, like, waking up
every day, and like, my ankles aching,
and I didn't even realize how I looked.
Like, I think if I would have realized
how I looked in my before picture,
I might have did something before,
because I'm like, who is that person?
Like, that's insane.
And so, anyways, like, I would
get to work and like, hobble in.
And it was like, I felt like a joke
in that sense, and I'm like, how
am I so, like, how am I doing so
well in some aspects of my life,
like, like my career, and then just
blowing it in these other, you know,
and I haven't even got into like my
relationship with my wife and stuff yet.
And so anyways, like I felt like crap.
I had just got back from Disneyland
or California adventure with
my kids and I felt like I was
getting lapped by 60 year olds.
I was ready to leave at like noon.
I was sweaty and hot, and like, just
didn't feel good about myself, and I
was just like, I'd been living like
that for a while, uh, like I, I had
like a fear of working out as well, I
didn't believe in myself physically,
which, you know, transfers into other
things, and then, um, I just kind of
like, me and my wife, like, people would
have thought we had a, I'll say a good
marriage, you know, we'd been married,
we'd been married for 15 years now, so
it's like, around 13 years at that point.
But, like, I knew that we had, like, I was
not meeting my wife's needs because I was
not able to be present, I was not able to
listen, and I was not really even able to
be, like, intimate in an emotional way.
Like, not a sexual way,
but an emotional way.
Like, so, there was just,
like, no connection.
Like, or, in my mind, I, like, she would
ask me for, for more, and it was like I
couldn't even see what she was asking for.
Like, I was...
Almost like impervious, I felt like I
had a wall built around my heart, um.
I even will say that, like, I felt like my
old self was imprisoned inside of me, and
I can get into that kind of later, um, but
I just, like, couldn't see it, you know?
Like, I just had some filters over my eyes
and I just could not see, and I had been
living that way until I started for a long
time, like, let's say a decade or more.
So, um, so I, I don't know, Ryan,
I think that that answers the,
does that answer the question?
Yeah, that's kind of where I was at.
That's, that's a long
winded where I was at.
You know, I think my biggest issues in
my life were my nutrition, my health,
and my relationship with my wife.
Like, I had good relationships with
friends, I was successful financially, um,
and I would say, you know, did you expect
Ryan Carnohan: when to come into this?
Did you expect to improve
things with your wife?
Or were you like, maybe I just,
Robert Andrews: Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I thought what might improve
would be my wife wouldn't like what I
would say, what I would have called at
that point nagged me about like my health.
Like that was the lie.
Like my wife nags me about my nutrition.
You know, she never really said anything
about my exercise, but, um, like she
didn't have to, I knew, you know, but, um,
you know, Like she would always be like,
why don't you eat, like she would make
healthy food and I wouldn't eat it, you
know, or I would never eat the leftovers.
You know, so, um, you know, I think,
like, when I joined, like, yeah, I felt
like I was joining a workout program, I
think, you know, like, I felt like what
I would get was I would get, like, I
never, I don't think I ever believed that
I would get, like, like, shredded, you
know, like, I never thought, like, I think
the lowest I ever hit was, like, 138.
7.
You know, and like, I was at like 205
ish, 205, 208 when I started and I thought
like, maybe if I got down to 175 or
something, I would be happy, you know?
And like, now I'm like three
and a half months into the bulk
and I just hit 150, you know?
So it's like, I can't even,
like, it's crazy, you know?
Hey, wait,
I'll
Ryan Carnohan: find it.
Keep talking.
Hang on, I'm gonna find your,
your, your picture from today.
I'm gonna find it.
Hang on.
Um, so yeah, like, don't,
yeah, I want to find that.
You just posted it.
Let's, let's find it.
Dude,
Robert Andrews: is it, is
this like a new feature, man?
I don't think I've seen you like, uh...
Like, I like when you pulled up my,
Ryan Carnohan: yeah, I know it.
Screen share.
I saw how I pulled up as
fat, you know, dude, where?
Okay, so you just posted it.
I just
Robert Andrews: saw second.
I was like, Ryan's a tech.
Yes.
You, you've become a tech master.
You know, like I'm learning.
Yes.
Old.
You know how to mute everybody.
It took like a year and a half to
learn how to mute everyone, you know?
And now it's like you've
been like getting true.
Ryan Carnohan: This is from today.
How many, how much weight have
you gained since your bottom?
You're 138, you're
Robert Andrews: 100 and what?
I'm like 150.
Like, I'm hovering like 140 to 150.
That's 12
Ryan Carnohan: pounds heavier?
12 pounds heavier?
He's got a belly vein?
You see that?
Belly vein?
Freaking shoulder veins?
Jack!
What?
Like, so we knew, we
know this is, this works.
And we know on the physical side
of things, you, um, you crushed it.
Like, we know that.
Let's dig in.
Like, we know that's gonna happen.
You just show up.
We understand this.
Okay?
What
Robert Andrews: surprised you?
Yeah.
So, you know, I think that a lot of
guys have said, you know, in their,
you know, Transformation Tuesday talks
that, you know, obviously like losing
70 pounds, I would estimate I lost 70
pounds of fat and gained like 10 to 15
pounds of muscle from when I started.
And, you know, um, I like, it wasn't
like I was super, like, I'm definitely,
obviously not like a super buff guy.
Like Like a lot of the guys in this
program are and part of it like
when I got COVID which Ryan kind of
mentioned I lost all of my muscle.
Like I think I was like two months into
the program and like I Like free when I
got out of the hospital I mean I was kind
of bedridden like with COVID for two weeks
like either in the hospital or at home
But then I was like pretty like I was on
an oxygen machine for another like two
weeks at home Um, you know, and I couldn't
even, like, when I would get out of bed
to walk like 20 feet to the bathroom
on oxygen, I would be blacking out.
Like, I would be like holding the wall.
It was terrifying.
Like, uh...
He just stole all of your excuses.
I had, like, when I landed in the
hospital, I had one lung like 100
percent full of fluid and my other lung
was like 90 percent full of fluid and
they were like, What are you doing?
Like, you're, you're gonna die.
Like, what the hell is it, like, why did
you wait so long to come to the hospital,
like, which was probably partly my, um,
my, my fault, you know, but, uh, I just
didn't believe that I was gonna get,
like, sick and die of COVID, and, uh,
I almost did, like, I almost went on
a vent, uh, they told me I'd be in the
hospital for months, that I was probably
gonna need a lung transplant, I had
triple pneumonia, I had sepsis, attack,
I, like, had organ failure, um, my veins
were just deteriorating, my IVs were
blowing like crazy, um, when they could
get one, I was so dehydrated, like, it
was, it was bad, um, I basically, like,
just refused to vent, or I probably would
have been on one, and, uh, you know, and
I had a, I did have a great nurse, and
I, I was like, man, I gotta get out of
here, like, I walk in, and they're like,
if you're gonna, if you're gonna die,
Like, we'll let you FaceTime your family.
Like I was in total isolation.
No one could come see me.
The nurses were wearing like spacesuits.
This is kind of like in
the heart of the pandemic.
I think when this happened, um, it was
like end of September, October, 2021.
Yeah.
And so, I mean, I got out and
at that point, like I'd been
in the program for two months.
I had a lot of success right out the gate.
I had lost like 20 pounds in
like two months or less and.
And then that hit me
and it just rocked me.
I like lost all my muscle.
And then by the time I like came out
of it, um, like I was just, I had
lost a lot of strength, which was,
which was a bummer, but because of
being in this program and learning
how to do hard things, like, like.
I was like, I just, I, after a couple of
weeks, like I had no doctor, like they
were like, you can, it took, it was going
to be like three months until I could see
a doctor when I got out of the hospital.
So I'd like basically no
medical intervention until,
uh, like late December.
Like when I'm getting out of the
hospital, like early October.
And so after about 10 days, exactly after
at 10 days at home, I cut the oxygen.
I started pelotoning a
couple of minutes a day.
I think I could do like 40 Watts for
like five minutes when I started.
And I had been an avid
cycler for a long time.
So I had strong legs before.
And so I just kept doing
more and more and more.
And I had this goal to like, be able to
go trick or treating with my kids at the
end of October, which I was able to do.
Um, and when I finally
hit the doctor's office.
in December when I went to see the
pulmonologist, which they thought it
was a consult for a lung transplant.
I walked in and they're
like, how are you doing?
And I was like, I just
cycled like 35 miles.
And they were like, what?
And they were like, I'm like,
yeah, like, what are we going to
like, where do we go from here?
And they're like, like, you just go home.
Like, you're fine, I guess, you know,
like, we, like, we couldn't believe it.
And, uh, and so that was kind of that.
So that was the COVID thing.
It sucked, man.
Um, I'm the scariest guy for my wife,
you know, um, and then, uh, yeah, so
what, what was actually the question?
Ryan Carnohan: It's
set it up so perfectly.
Something happens when you go
that deep when you die, and
then so something changed.
Something began to change.
And then in your relationship, and I just
kind of want to dig, you know, or whatever
Robert Andrews: that is.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe your perspective.
So yeah, your perspective.
So my perspective did change.
Like when I got home from the hospital,
like I had this, like, like I was less.
I, I was a very independent person.
Like, my wife would say, like,
in the past, my wife would say,
if I died, would you even cry?
Or, I feel like you don't even
need me, you're so independent.
And, like, I was very
independent, and I never cried.
Like, I hadn't cried,
like, maybe for 20 years.
And so, when I got out of the
hospital, and that comes from,
like, probably my family of origin,
and, and a lot of stuff, you know.
But, When I got out of the hospital,
like, I had this, like, newfound glimpse
and hope, and I, and I swear it lasted
for like two weeks, and then I was like,
as soon as I started getting healthier,
It came, like, my old self came back in
a lot of ways, like, I had taken several
months off from the program, like, I did
have the call Ryan was talking about,
like, on oxygen, but it was like, I
felt like I couldn't do anything, so
it's like, how am I gonna participate,
like, I couldn't even eat, like, I
couldn't eat something and breathe,
like, it was terrible, I hated eating,
like, and it was like, It just sucked.
But anyways, after, like, I was
in the program for two months,
then I was out for three or four
months, and then I was back in.
Like, I had talked to Kyle
several times, and he was great.
Like, I mean, these guys had
reached out to my wife to see
if they could help, you know?
Uh, praying for me, sending me text
messages while I'm, like, in the ICU,
like, responding back incoherently, like,
and, so, the program was, like, everyone
really supported me, and that was really
cool, that was really cool for my wife,
because not only did, when I had COVID,
all five of my kids, four of my kids had
COVID, and my wife, so, like, no one could
really even come over to our house while
I was in the hospital and stuff to help.
And so fast forward, like through
those four months, and then I get
back in the program and then I'm
like in like 85% for a long time.
Like I'm losing weight.
I had a lot of weight to lose.
So even at 85%, I'm still
shredding weight, right?
I'm, I'm listening to the Zoom calls.
I'm doing the workouts.
I'm, I'm not hitting failure every set.
And, and that goes on for a long time
and I, and I get into the one 60,
so I'm like 2 0 5 to one sixties and
I'm like, I'm kind of just there.
At one point, and I think this is around
like June or July of last year, I kind
of have this, I mean a lot of stuff
is changing in my life, like holes are
getting punched in the dam, I'm leveling
up in new ways, I'm becoming more
dependable, like I'm getting home from
work on time, I'm doing more of what
I said I would do, like, but I'm still
not, like, in that flow state, maybe
we'll call it, you know, like in, I'm not
like in full alignment with my conscious
all the time, like not even close.
And I remember like, I think I was talking
with Ryan and I'm like, I, and I was
at 2000 calories for just a long time.
I remember this
Ryan Carnohan: conversation.
I was at the beach with my kids.
I remember this phone call, bro.
Robert Andrews: And I, and I'm like, yeah.
And I'm like, I want to
cut to 1850, I think.
Um, you know, and I was like, I need
to, like, I need to finish this, man.
I need to follow through with what I
started, like, I've been thinking a lot
about this, like, what we say, it's not
about you, um, you know, we need to be
dependable, we need to, like, give no
one an excuse, you know, like, we slip,
they fall, like, like these different,
you know, uh, Superhuman Father, uh,
Superhuman Father Doctrine, I'll say, as
Ryan mentioned, said earlier, you know?
Like, these things have just, like,
replayed themselves in my head over
and over and over again, and, but
I just couldn't stay consistent for
long enough, and, and then all of a
sudden I, like, get to 1850 calories,
and, and I'm, like, back in, like,
a, like, more of a deficit, you know?
And I'm there for a couple
weeks, lose some weight, and then
I'm, like, at 1650, you know?
And then, I think there, like...
And, you know, and maybe I was there for
a month and then I was at 1, 400 and I
was in for, I was at 1, 400 calories for
a while, a couple months, you know, and,
and I'm still like drinking some beers
every once in a while and, and just.
You know, in it more, but, and so then
I cut that and, and I'm just hitting my
macros every day and I'm, I'm hitting
my workouts and I'm doing extra bonus
burns and I'm following through, um,
with the things that, that I said
that I would do, my non negotiables.
Right.
And so all of a sudden, like I start just
seeing a clearer vision, you know, like I
always had this, like, what's my purpose?
Like to me, to be the man that I
needed when I was a kid, you know,
like my wife and my family, um,
like almost like transcendent stuff.
And, but it was like,
well, then why can I not?
Like, I have such a why, and it's like
if, with a why, like, a man can, what
do they say, like, it doesn't matter
the how if you have a strong enough
why or something like that, right?
And, um, all of a sudden,
man, I just, it becomes clear.
It's like, it clicks, and, and
I just am, like, laser focused.
I'm hitting my macros.
Like, I could, like, watch people
eat cakes and drink beers all
day, and it doesn't matter.
Like, it's just, I'm there.
And from there, it was like, from one six,
you know, I don't remember exactly where
I was, but it was like I dropped that,
you know, all the way down to the 140 or
whatever to getting posted, and it was
right before my 15th marriage anniversary.
Um, and during that last couple months,
and I remember the day, December 2nd,
And I got posted January 11th, I believe,
like December 2nd, it just like my life
just changed like, like, and when I say
my life just changed, like, like I sat
down at a table at a restaurant with my
wife, and we had a two hour conversation
and I got back up from that table.
After that two hours, and I looked at
her and I was like something happened.
And, and I'm changed
forever I know that I am.
And.
Like, we had had this conversation, we
had been, you know, going through this
course called, uh, Men's Skills and
Women's Skills, and part of that is this
Pain and Peace Cycle, and so part of that
is, is going through, like, your past,
and your wife goes through her past, and,
and, and you re you kind of think of, you
know, you sh have these feelings which
kind of fall into coping mechanisms and
I won't get too much into that but but
so I had kind of mentioned before like
I could never, I was independent, I was
not able to listen, I was not able to,
I didn't have real empathy, I didn't
have like this intimacy with my wife, I
couldn't follow through with the simple
things that she had asked for and so All
of a sudden I could like that, you know,
so we sat down, we had this conversation
and for like two hours, I just looked
into her eyes and just completely
listened and was laser focused and asked
more questions, but like, and I never
made it about myself and I never went
off topic and it was just kind of like,
like, can you tell me more about that?
Um, sort of questions, and she
felt safe, and she felt, after
telling me all these things, known.
And, some of this stuff was hard to hear,
like, this was like childhood trauma of
her early life, when her dad abandoned
her, and then, through her teenage years,
of being mistreated by, like, boyfriends
and stuff, and, stuff that we had never
fully talked about, because I was just,
like, too fragile to hear, or didn't
want to share my stuff, or, Just didn't
really felt like I needed to know, but
so I'd let my wife carry this burden for
our entire marriage to where like, if
maybe I really knew how she was damaged
in the past, would I still love her?
And like, I love her more.
And it was anything to, you know, like,
like, I won't say it wasn't anything.
It was like my wife had.
this darkness that she had to live
in, like, basically being unparented
and not having anyone to look out for
her and being abandoned by her dad.
And like, I didn't have that in my
life, so I don't really know what that's
like, but like, I was able to go into
that, like, with her, like, little
Lacey, I call her, my wife's name is
Lacey, and it's like, I was able to sit
through these hard experiences with her.
And like fully have her tell me about
them and how it made her feel and like
be there with her in that discomfort.
What did that do for her?
Like my wife...
How did
Ryan Carnohan: that, how did that
change your relationship when
you were able to do that for her?
Robert Andrews: What did that do for her?
Oh man, I mean, it did everything.
Like we, it went from my, like
if my wife was telling her
friend how our relationship
was and that's like the real...
So my, you know, like, if your wife is
telling her girlfriend how your marriage
is, like, that's the real truth, right?
And so, it's not like how, like,
if your buddy asks you how your
marriage is and you tell him, right?
No.
Like, I want to hear what my wife tells
her friends when I'm not there, right?
And so it went from, like, Like, I don't
listen, I, I'm good at some things, but
I can't give her what she really needs,
cause I don't have these, I can't even
listen, I can't feel, I'm emotionally
absent, and stuff like that, too.
I, I'm the man of her dreams,
I fulfill all of that, I make
her feel known, I make her feel
loved, chosen, cherished, desired.
We have this tight intimacy, it's
like I can look into her mind, and
it's like, almost like, know what
she's thinking, and it was like this,
and it was like, insane, because...
It had been so different for so long,
and I felt like I had that when I had
met my wife, and we had this insane
intimacy, but it was like I had lost
it, like, even before we got married.
And I hadn't had it now for 15 years.
And, and she was right.
Like, I didn't really know her and I
didn't, and it's not that I didn't care
about her, but I didn't love her in
the way that she needed it to be loved.
And then it was like, and
I'll just give an example.
Like my wife would almost beg me
to write her cards, like every six
months to tell me how I would feel
and how I felt about her and stuff.
And it was so generic, the
ones that I would write her.
And I would like, she would
have to ask me a hundred times.
Like I write my, I probably
averaged writing my card.
my wife a card or a note like a nice
note where I make her coffee for her
and and leave out her medicine like
I do that on average six days a week
since December 2nd you know so I don't
know how many times that is but it's
like she used to ask me to do that if
I could do that twice a year she would
have been happy before now I do it.
Over 300, you know, and I do it better.
And it's easy.
Like before it was like I couldn't do
it to save my life and I would wonder
what the hell's the matter with me?
Like why can't I just
do these simple things?
Asked me, what's d about you?
Ryan Carnohan: What's different
about you that's allowed,
has allowed you to do that?
And if your wife's response
wasn't as positive as it is right
now, would you still do that
Robert Andrews: for her?
Oh yeah, man.
I mean, so.
Like since that day, our marriage was
just on this like rocket ship blast, man.
I mean, we were up until like four
in the morning for like two months
straight talking, making love for hours.
And it was just, it was absolutely insane.
And, and that was not sustainable, right?
Like there's nights I'm sleeping,
like a half an hour, man.
It's like, it's like three 30 and my alarm
clock's going off at four and my wife's
like, are you going to wake up at four?
And I'm like, yes.
And so like, Eventually that had to
like calm down to like going to bed
at like midnight and I still probably
average four hours of sleep or something
at night but um, which is probably
something I need to work on but like
things are still amazing and awesome but
like even in the last couple days like
we like I struck a nerve with her about
something I said and you know she's a
little sensitive this time of the month
I think you know like these couple days
and so she got upset and she was like
In her pain, she felt like inadequate.
She felt really inadequate that she
couldn't respond to the acts that I do
for her, and that like I'm carrying our
marriage right now, and it's putting
pressure on her because she feels
like she can't possibly like respond.
equally to how I'm loving her.
And then she felt like, because she
hadn't, that I had started loving her
less and was doing those things less.
And so, like, I had to, like, you
know, she was stuck in this pain cycle.
And I was in a little pain too,
because, like, it had been almost
perfect for months, you know?
And maybe I was being a
little withdrawing, you know?
Like, maybe the last couple of days, I
didn't look at her, you know, the same
way I had for the last six months or so.
And so.
And she was probably right.
I kind of hadn't because I did have
this little like why am I doing all
this work a couple days, you know,
like not even a couple days, maybe a
day, you know, I was like, yeah, I've
been writing you letters every day.
I've been doing this for you.
I've been doing this for you.
I've been planning all these dates
like and really I, the trick was,
she was doing that for 15 years.
I've been doing it for six months and
now I'm going to pull that card, right?
So, like, what do we learn?
Ryan Carnohan: What do
you learn from that?
That's kind of interesting.
Robert Andrews: But tell
us, I was like, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to out serve you
and expect nothing in return.
Like this is what I've been
saying and hearing for a year.
And like, why don't, why am I
all of a sudden, if my wife's
not responding, which like, my
wife's been responding like crazy.
And like when I changed in December
and I looked at my wife's eyes and I
was like, and my wife is beautiful.
My wife is the most beautiful woman
in the world, and I look at her and
I'm like, I have this realization, as
I like, transcend through the last 15
years of how I had been to her, and
she had just basically begged me, and
I hate to say begged, but it was almost
like that, to just spend time with her.
Will you just be with me?
Well, you just spend time with me, like
quality time, and I'd be like, oh, I'd
love to, except I'm, I'm in grad school
right now, I have to do my homework,
or I took the second job where I'm
making all this extra money doing data
analysis in the garage, or I'm restoring
all these cars to make money for our
family, and it was like, always this,
always this, like, I always overbooked
myself, and she always took the brunt
end of that by not having time spent
with her, and I look back at that, and
I look at this stupid crap that I chose
over my wife, and Which I've cut almost
completely out of my life since December.
Like, and, and I went, you know,
from this place of like, before,
like, I, all my thoughts were
about like, Oh, I'm going to buy.
I'm going to build this
bigger motor for my hot rod.
I'm going to buy an old truck.
I'm going to do this.
I'm going to do that.
I'm going to buy this.
I'm going to buy that.
And, and, and I'm just working for it.
You know, that's the jobs to pay for it.
But I also enjoyed that work because
I was such a gear head and, and, and I
look at all that stuff that I did that I
could have been spending that time with
my wife and I was like, I can't even.
I can't even relate to the man
that would make that choice.
Like, I don't even understand why
he did because it's almost like I,
I'm not even connected to the person
that I was for so long and it, cause
it's just so foreign to me now.
And so like when I changed,
I was doing the second job.
I immediately put my notice
in and said, I'm done.
And it was like such a cake job, you
know, I was making three, 4, 000 plus
a month for like working a couple hours
in my garage a couple of nights a week.
And.
You know, I had just restored
this car that I've been working
on for a year and a half.
I put it up for sale and sold it.
Uh, I told the, you know, all
these people that I was restoring
cars for, I'm not doing anymore.
I'll finish this last one and I'm done.
And I just started cutting all of
the things that were taking time
from my wife and my kids away.
I'm like, I'm done, you know?
And people were like, well, I'll
pay you more money if you'll stay.
And no, I'm done, you know?
Like, I don't care how much money it is.
It's not about the money, you know?
I'm gonna live in the
present with my family.
And that was so foreign to what
I'd been doing for so long.
And, you know, it's such a...
Such an incredible way to live, you
know, and, um, you know, my, I would say
that the change in my marriage is more
than 90 percent of my transformation.
And, and then also that same, like,
because, like, I was that way so long.
People knew how I was like, I mean people
come over and I was like an OCD detailed
freak, you know And that's why I was so
good I think at the car restoration but
like people cut and I would always have
my house like in order and I'd come home
and I would like Whirlwind clean my house
if it was in disorder With like a good
like a disgruntled look on my face and
it was like instead of embracing my kid
That was like, you know stepping over
100 bills to pick up gum wrappers or
something, you know and and so like sad
man like And I, like, that was another
thing, like, I was OCD about friendliness
and that is, that was completely gone.
All of this stuff was like that.
It was so crazy.
It was like, God.
What did you
Ryan Carnohan: have to kill?
What did you have to, what did
you have to kill in yourself?
So, so, this, like, I, it's so powerful.
I'm so inspired.
I'm like, I need to level my shit up.
How did you do it, Rob?
What is it that was inside of you that
was stuck in your ability to connect
with your wife and children away?
Hey.
What did you kill?
Was it a process?
Did you prepare for that
moment on December 2nd?
Do you think there had been months
of preparation for that to happen?
You know, give me
Robert Andrews: the nuggets.
I want to know.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, so all the time, you know,
spent before in this program,
um, really prepared me for...
Um, you know, like, so this whole
time, right, I'm like, learning how to
suffer, like, I'm sitting, I'm sitting
in discomfort at lower calorie levels,
uh, way, way lower, like, I mean, I
don't even know what my calorie level
was before, I was probably like 5, 000,
6, 000 calories a day or something,
you know, before I started, and so, but
as I got down towards the bottom and
got really low, like, it gets harder,
right, like, you're hungry, Like 1, 400
calories sucks, you know, and you're,
you're, you're gassing in the gym faster.
You don't, you just don't have the energy.
And sitting there for, for quite some
time, like just sitting in that discomfort
and the suffering that I had learned to
do before, like prepared me and molded
me, like slowly, because this is like
a year process for me after COVID.
to become less selfish.
And so, like, there was small changes
and small changes over this whole
time in my marriage, but it was,
like, all culminating up to this
moment of, like, total transformation
where I felt like everything
moved from my head into my heart.
And, and it was like, all of a
sudden I could see, and it was
like, I, I talked about it and,
and like some of the marriage
masteries or some of the Zoom calls.
I don't remember what Zoom call was, but
about like, like I had had these filters
over my eyes and they were removed.
Like, like I had been seeing
in black and white and all of
a sudden I was seeing in color.
And it was, I could see that,
and, and all of my crap is
really just selfishness, right?
Like all of my hobbies and all of
this stuff I put over other people
was just me saying no to people.
And it was mostly my wife and kids.
And saying yes to myself.
And it was all of a sudden, it was
just like, this is not about me.
This is about my wife and my
kids and the people around me.
And I'm going to serve them by doing
the things that they need me to do.
And for my wife, that was quality time.
That was intimacy.
And I felt like God reached out and
he removed the rest of those things.
to where it was complete clarity for me,
and it was like, I'm like, oh my god, you
know, now I can see, and then I could see
everything I had been doing for years, and
how that hurt my wife and my kids, and I
had so much regret, and I like trans, you
know, I basically, I felt like I like,
Just transcended through all that time.
And I could see all these instances
where I said no to my wife and my time,
I spent down in the garage and my wife
is just like reading a book in our
bedroom, asking me to hang out with her.
And it wasn't like I was a dick.
It was just, I just chose other things.
And for me, like, gosh, man, like that was
like such an example of grace, you know?
Like, I'm like, well, my wife
was rejected thousands of times,
probably over that time period and
could have found somebody else.
To meet those needs for her, like, she
accepted me, she prayed for me, that I,
that I would change, she, she remained
faithful to me, and she just loved me,
and, and was like, God, you know what,
like, if he never changes, like, he's
still great at a lot of things, and I'll
just accept these things, even though,
like, my inadequacies were her most
triggered, her, like, deepest wounds,
right, of abandonment, of her father, of
not being enough, of Feeling Unknown, and
I could see all of that at that moment,
and like, dude, the tears just burst open.
I cried more.
I freaking cried on a Zoom call.
with Ryan and Kyle on the team, in
the gym, leaning against the wall with
my earbuds in, in front of all these
people that I see at the gym all of the
time, and I did not give a crap at all.
Like, it was like, full vulnerability,
full authenticity, everyone could
hear half the conversation of what
I was saying, and I could care less.
And I was like, I hope that they hear it.
I hope that it gives them
no excuse to freaking level
up in their house, you know?
And since this time, like, People see my
relationship with my wife, they see how
we look at each other, they see how we
talk, like I'm not sharp, I'm not snippy,
like, they see, like, how we touch each
other, how we are intimate with each other
appropriately in public, and, and how we
serve, how I serve her, and how I treat
her like an absolute queen, and how I tell
her in front of it, and it's like, now
people come to me, and ask me, for marital
advice or feel like I'm a safe person
and empathetic and share stuff with me.
And like, this is like so foreign to me.
I'm like, this is unbelievable
that anyone would consider me a
safe place for something like that.
And it's, you know, like, because, you
know, and kind of like coming back to
like how this happened, it's like through,
you know, like my non negotiables and
learning how to suffer, learning how to
sit in discomfort, learning how To become,
to be able to live in the present and,
and to be in alignment with my conscious
and see, like, the things that mattered.
Like that all it, you know, it took time
because I had to, you know, hopefully it
doesn't take other people as long, but,
um, you know, and other people might not
have these issues, like, but I know a
lot of guys do, because I know that that
call, like, really, you know, sparked a
lot of conversation on, on marriage and
the group and, but, like, it was all of
my, you know, like, you know, like calorie
cutting and, and nutrition and exercise.
was for that, you know, that heart change
and, and level up in that area, you know.
And of course, like, it also
made me a healthier person.
And that was a big thing.
And like, my wife's no longer fighting
me on food and, and that stuff.
And, and so, uh, I feel
better about myself.
I feel more confident.
Like, I mean, there's a ton of other
great things because of it, you know,
but, you know, it wasn't really for me.
It was for my wife and it was for
the other men around me in my, in
my life that got to witness that.
And see, you know, what kind of change
they can have if, you know, they can,
you know, be disciplined in these
areas and, and, you know, being, you
know, basically becoming aligned in
your conscious, you know, and doing
the things becoming dependable, right?
Like a lot of this is just, if
you're dependable, like, you'll,
you'll, you'll do these things.
And so,
Ryan Carnohan: Okay, let's set up.
This is so beautiful.
This is master, someone
said it's a master class.
Yes, yes it is.
Um, let's say I'm in a
situation and I've hurt my wife.
Maybe it's been years.
Right now I'm hurting her.
I don't know if she'll ever forgive me.
She's not responding to me when I try.
How do I fix this, Rob?
What's your advice?
Yeah, yeah.
What countenance do I need?
What countenance do I need
to bring into my home?
Robert Andrews: You know, so,
so there's, you know, like, uh,
almost like a love dare, right?
Like, like, out serving your wife
and expecting nothing in return.
And, and, and that's, and I
don't know, like, what the
right answer is for how long.
Forever, I guess, is the right, you
know, like, If you believe in the
government of marriage and if you
made a commitment to your wife and
to God or to both of them, you know,
like, well, how long do I do that for?
You do that forever, you know, uh, you
know, or, you know, like, or you get
divorced and, and like, I, you know,
like that happens, like, like, I don't
believe that's an option for me, but.
But anyways, I'm not
going to get into that.
But, but so like you
serve your wife forever.
And
Ryan Carnohan: that's beautiful though.
That's you said something really
powerful because you either
get divorced or you're all in.
Robert Andrews: There's
Ryan Carnohan: no half assing because
divorcing is respectable if you make the
choice and you make that shit happen.
But if you just sit there and
it's all contractually like.
Maybe I could just imagine,
you know, like, being divorced.
Anyways, I'm not gonna take from you,
you're killing it, but that was powerful,
Robert Andrews: I liked that.
Yeah, for me, like, I'm, like, I wanna
stay with my, you know, like, so for
me, like, if, you know, we're in that
situation, like, I wanna, like, I,
I hope to never be in that situation
again, but, and, and it takes work,
like, but, like, we, you know, like,
I, I put in the work, and, and it
doesn't mean it's perfect always.
It's been pretty damn good, man.
Like, like, we've had a really long
run, you know, and, and it's funny that
just before this call, really, like,
today, yesterday, has been the biggest.
It's not really big, but it's, it's been
the, uh, you know, like, like we're not
like way up here on cloud nine maybe.
I think we're now we through the most
human, the most human, the most human.
Like, it's not always gonna be, and
maybe, you know, this happens so
that it's like I can come here and
I'm not like, oh my, my life's just
perfect forever now because it's not
going to be, and that's unrealistic.
Like, you're going to say something
that's gonna hurt your wife or
she's gonna say something or do
something that's gonna hurt you.
And that's.
That's life.
Right.
But something that I know
Ryan Carnohan: I keep
stopping you, you're I have's.
Okay.
Question regarding this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That countenance, some
of us feel that way.
Some of us feel that way about our wives.
We're like, yeah, I'm
never going anywhere.
How come she doesn't feel that?
How, how do I, how do I give
her that I'm not going anywhere?
Right?
Yeah.
I, I believe that, but
she doesn't know that.
She doesn't feel it.
How do I let her know that?
What?
Is there something that you do
specifically, or is it just over time?
Is it an energy.
Robert Andrews: You know, yeah,
yeah, so like I was never going
anywhere, but it was still bad like
me and my wife had decided like,
you know, we both individually were
like, we're not getting divorced,
but we were it still wasn't good.
And, like, I still wasn't loving
her in the ways that she needed.
And so, being able to like you
have to be able to listen, and I
couldn't listen so I wasn't a safe
place so my wife wouldn't tell me.
So, like, learn how to listen, and learn
how to hear things, like, learn how to
catch shit, really, because if you haven't
been listening and loving your wife the
way that she needs to be, and she's, and
when she's able to open up, like, you're
going to hear things that are going to be
hard, because it's going to be like, you
have been doing this and making me feel
like this, you have, you know, like, You
need to be this way, like, this is what
I need, this is how you need to be, these
are my love languages, and like, and like,
so, you know, like, it's gonna hurt, like,
your ego, so don't have an ego about it,
like, listen to hear, and to understand,
and not to respond, just don't even really
respond if, like, you can't say anything,
if you can't say, like, tell me more
about that, or what, how I'm, I'm hearing
you say, and, and repeat that to her, so
that you know you're hearing it, right?
Like, make it a safe place, so that
she can tell you how she really feels,
so that she can feel known, and so you
can know her, and then write it down.
Like, write that shit down,
because you're gonna forget.
So, like, take notes, and then learn how,
like, so then, kind of, you know, like,
you need to learn, like, how are you
making your wife feel with your actions,
and then, um, and your coping, right?
Like, and then she makes you
feel a way, and then you cope,
and like, how is your coping?
Whether it's withdrawing to punish or
withdrawing to isolate, or perfectionism,
like OCD crap, or, you know, fighting,
like getting sarcastic, whatever it
is, you know, like how that is spinning
her into her pain and you're just
in this, like, cycle, you need to,
like, learn how to get out of that and
to get into your guys peace, right?
And,
and so, um, What man can do that?
Yeah, all of us can, you know,
and And so I can, and I couldn't,
but I can now, and I do.
And so what
Ryan Carnohan: attributes did you build?
I'm sorry, what?
What attributes?
Like, what, how do you, how are you able
Robert Andrews: to do that?
Yeah.
So how did it happen for me?
Like I shared with you guys, I sat down
and I listened to my wife and for, and
then I had that transformation, like,
and so then now I'm able to listen.
The stuff that hurt.
Like how did you suffer man?
Oh, yeah, this was the hardest
conversation of my entire life to sit
through like like it was so painful Some
of the stuff that I heard like like and
some of it like I replayed in my mind
for months you know and Like you never
want to hear about your wife being a band
aid or sexually abused as like a young
woman you know and it was like I wanted
to kill people like I wanted to like rip
arms off bodies and and it was like but I
was like And then I had to put myself in
those situations in the darkness, right?
Like I sat there and her and listened
to her tell me about these, like, and
some details of them, you know, like
what she had been through and how it
had made her feel and how that affected
her like whole life, you know, and even,
and my wife had been through all this
EMDR counseling and all sorts of stuff.
And until I could really
sit, there was more healing.
And the last couple and the last really
in the first couple of months of me.
Being able to listen and love my
wife and to put myself there with
her and to tell her after I heard
everything and I was like, just tell me
everything that you need to say to me.
I don't care how hard it will hurt me.
If you feel like I need
to know, you tell me.
And so there, there's many conversations
about how things made her feel,
how I had triggered these things.
You know?
And, uh, maybe some of these things
that hurt her were things I had
done to people in my past, you know?
So then I had to think about that, too.
And, and then when I could be real,
and I could be authentic, and I could
sit in that suffering, and I could love
her, and I could tell her, like, Now I
know everything, and I love you more.
I fully know you.
I cherish you.
I desire you.
You're worthy, you know, and
all of these things that were
her pain of and her inadequacies
that there are the lies, right?
Like the lies that this
darkness made her feel.
When I could take all of that away, and
I didn't take it all away at once, but
through my actions of showing her, after
knowing all of that, that I could love
her more, like with my actions, with my
words, with how she needed, it completely
transformed her and she had more healing.
15 years of EMDR and counseling and
women's groups and reading books.
And I'm not saying that stuff is not like,
I'm not saying that's a waste of time,
I think that did help her some, but the
changes that I've seen in her through us,
like inside of our marriage is like, I
mean, I feel like a hundred times of that
stuff, you know, and I even asked her,
you know, and it's like, and, and it's
a, it's a process, you know, it's like.
It's way better, but it's not
like 100 percent gone, right?
Do you understand
Ryan Carnohan: now?
Do you think part of it
is now you understand the
impact that you have on her?
Like the actual impact that you
have, and maybe you didn't understand
that until you had that conversation
and you were strong enough?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Like, cause now that you understand
the impact, you're like, Oh shit,
the stakes are real high here.
Like, I will, I am what she leans on.
I am, every man wants that, dude.
Robert Andrews: They want
their wife to lean on them.
And being dependable and like, be careful
as you level up and you become that
man, like your bar gets set higher.
Like my wife used to expect me to like,
my wife wouldn't even ask me when I
was going to get home from work because
it didn't matter what time I said, I
got home when I got home, you know?
And if that was two hours, you know, and
it's like, the other day I was 15 minutes
late coming home or no, I was 30 minutes
late coming home from LA from a swap meet
that I had been at for like 22 hours.
And I was freaking busted my, like,
I basically finished unloading, like,
like a freaking, I probably had like
60, 70 crates of hot rod parts in
the back of my truck that probably
weighed a hundred pounds a piece.
I've just been selling them
non stop all day to people.
It was insane.
I never changed out of my pajamas.
To get rid of the stuff
you love, by the way.
Yeah, yeah.
And so I'm just selling, yeah, and
I'm like selling all this stuff to
like, and I was, I made enough money
to buy us all Disneyland passes for
a year for all six of us or whatever
because that's what my kids have
wanted and my wife really likes it too.
And, and so anyways, it's like, so I do
all that and then I don't even finish.
I'm on my last crate to unload and I'm
like, I've been unloading since 4 45 a.
m.
It's like 12 15 and I'm like crap.
I got to start loading my stuff back
up again and uh So I start loading And
freaking the wind blows my freaking easy
up as I take the stuff off tie down it
goes flying in the air It's a disaster.
I have to deal with anyways I end up
getting home like a half an hour late
and we and And it was like we had people
coming over and I had I didn't get to help
And, like, getting stuff ready as much
as I wanted to, and my wife was, she was
bummed on me, like, she said, I had, I
had said that I would be there at a time,
and I wasn't there, and she depends on
me, and I wasn't there, and she, she had
a ton of stuff to do, she had to get all
the stuff ready, her get ready, get all
the kids ready, and I come home, like,
I'm in my pajamas still, covered in grime,
and she was not happy about it, you know?
And in the past, it would have just
been expected, you know, and, but
now it was like, she depends on
me and I really left her hanging.
And would
Ryan Carnohan: she have brought it up?
What was she wouldn't even have
brought it up in the past because you
react, you, you were such a bitch.
We're such bitches that our wife,
our tiny little wife can't open
her mouth to tell us the truth.
They have to lie to us because
we're so sensitive, right?
What is different in the way you'd react
to something like that now compared to
Robert Andrews: Before.
Yeah, in the past I would've
been like, that's ridiculous.
Like, do you know how much
money I made for our family?
Do you know what I do for this family?
Yeah.
Something stupid like that, you know?
And this, and this is like the little
disagreement that I, I was talking about.
We got into, like in the last,
this has just happened like,
like on Sunday night and.
You know, that kind of like, I was like,
frantic rush when I got home, and it
was like, you know, I just got ready,
whatever, and the couple came over, and
I, I, I sensed this, like, distance a
little bit between me and my wife, like,
just not looking at each other the same
way we usually do from across the room,
smiling, like, embracing each other.
We're still doing that stuff, but it's
just not what I'm used to, not what
she's used to, and, you know, and it's
like, uh, you know, we talk about it,
and, and before we were gonna talk
about it, before it would have been
like, Like, it wouldn't even have
come up and people would have left.
I would have just went
out and unloaded my truck.
Instead, I left all my stuff in the
back of the truck to get rained on.
But it was like, it took like, then
until the next day or whatever,
until we really connected again.
And even this morning, like, I was
going to go to, like, leaving the gym.
I was going to work because it's,
it's much closer to go that way.
And I was at the gym on the bike and
I was just like, what am I doing?
Like, I need to go back
and tell my wife, like.
Like her, like our truths
in person, you know?
So I drove back home, like embraced
my wife and just told her like, you
know, like I cherish you, I love you.
Like she was feeling not enough, you know?
And she had sent me a beautiful text and
I was like, I got it on a freaking crazy
busy day, you know, and I, you know, I
went home and I embraced her and told
her and, and we're having like a sushi
date tonight after we put the kids down.
And then we're probably going to
read like a book, uh, you know, a
meaning of marriage by Tim Keller.
It's like daily little,
you know, reads in that.
And then we'll probably connect,
you know, intimately, and
then, you know, have great sex.
Like, that's probably how the
night's gonna go, you know?
Ah, let's go!
And so, that's most nights, and,
and, uh, anyways, like, like, before,
it was like, I would have, like,
not even thought about this stuff.
It wouldn't even have
registered to me, honestly.
I wouldn't even have known
she was upset, you know?
It's not like...
She's saying mean things to me or
being a bee or anything like that.
It's just like I am in so in tune to
her, you know, like I, like I know
when something's off and, and, and it's
like, I, cause I know her and I know her
pain and I know, like I understand it.
Ryan Carnohan: Last question,
and I know that these guys
want to ask questions, and I, I
Robert Andrews: have some
Ryan Carnohan: 615.
Yeah, sorry, I been selfish, I've been
Robert Andrews: selfish, so.
Thank you everyone for listening to me.
Yeah, okay, so,
Ryan Carnohan: alright,
let's say you disagree.
Let's say there's something in
your values, your code, that she
disagrees with it, vehemently.
Um.
Now, yeah, I'm not trying to test you,
I'm just like in this position, maybe
you have been in this position recently.
What do you do
Robert Andrews: and how do you treat it?
Yeah, okay, so like if I, you know, if
there is something that, that is a firm
belief of mine and, and, and she's in
disagreement with it, like, you know,
like, we would talk about it, you know,
um, I guess it's dependent on, on,
on what it was, you know, like, is it
something that we can compromise on,
you know, is it something I think I
would really look at, like, is, is this
something that is for me, and, or is
this something, like, for her and for
others, like, You know, like if she was
like, I don't agree with you going to the
gym and working out anymore and I want
you to stop completely, like, like, that
would be a hard one, you know, like, I
think I would be like, well, like, I'm
gonna get soft and like that discipline
and follow through allows me for my
cup to be full and to give to others.
And, and like I'm not doing it for
myself to get ripped, like I'm, I'm
doing it to be strong for my family.
And so I just don't think that she would
ever say something like that, but...
Hey, we've had,
Kyle Carnohan: we've had that one.
We've had that one.
Where it's like, I don't like
how you leave me in the morning.
And so, the answer
Ryan Carnohan: was...
Will you just acknowledge
how tired Kyle is?
Thank you, Kyle.
Thank you for working your ass off, bro.
I can hear that in your voice, dude.
Holy smokes!
Robert Andrews: Anyways, keep going.
And so yeah, and Kyle brings up a
great thing, like, so Oh, there he is.
Sorry,
Ryan Carnohan: we lost you.
We lost you, Kyle.
WiFi, where'd you go?
Oh, I'm here?
Yeah, yeah, sorry, dude.
I cut you off, Kyle, to say thank
you, and then you disappeared.
So I'm gonna shut up.
What were you gonna say, Kyle?
The answer was, uh, get up
Kyle Carnohan: earlier.
And it was like, I already get up at 4.
30, and
Ryan Carnohan: I was like, and?
Dude, Chris, Coach Chris
gets out of bed at 3.
30 sometimes to do his bonus burn,
and then he'll go snuggle his wife
because she likes to wake up with him.
Dude, I do this all the time, 4.
Kyle Carnohan: 30am, go
cruise up there, it's like I
Robert Andrews: was never gone.
Yeah, like, exactly, I mean, I guess
this answers the question, and my
response for something like this is
the same, is that, it's like, I mean,
and this is like, this is almost
like a pillar of the program, right?
When you start, and you do, and you
start, right, like, so say you don't
work out, you start the program and you
work out now, like, well you work out
on your time, not on your family's time,
and so that's the answer, so like, I,
you know, I get up at 4, between 30,
and I'm back from the gym, before my
wife wakes up, I have her medicine and
water ready, so at about like 6, 6.
30 when she's waking up, And she has to
take this, she had a thyroid surgery a
couple years ago, so I give her, I walk
in, I drop the pills in her mouth, pour
a little water in, I wait 10 minutes,
I make her coffee, I write her note,
usually, or card during that time,
and then I bring it in and snuggle
with her, or, you know, get started on
making breakfast or whatever, and I,
you know, hang out before I go to work.
And, uh, so, yeah, you know, like,
and if, I guess if that wasn't, if
she started waking up earlier, then I
guess I'd have to start getting up even
earlier and find a different gym because
it doesn't open that early, you know?
So, um, or some days, like, if I don't,
like, say I, like, go to bed at 2am,
like, you know, my wife would be like,
I'm worried about you that you're,
you're not getting enough sleep.
Like, I know you're
gonna wake up at 4 or 4.
30.
Like, and she gets, you know,
and that's a legitimate concern.
Like, I mean, because I'll...
You know, like, sleep two, three, four
hours consistently, many days in a row.
And so I'll be like, okay, you know what?
I'll, I'll set my alarm for six.
I'll work out on my lunch break at
work, you know, and actually modify
it, you know, for hands off you,
Kyle Carnohan: it's hard to sleep because
you, you just don't sleep anymore.
Your wife is just all over
you for just all night long.
You can't sleep anymore.
You
Robert Andrews: just give it up.
So, um, so yeah, you know, um, yeah, so I,
I, I hope that answers the question, um.
Ryan Carnohan: Yeah, and it's
fun to give your wife abs, huh?
Isn't it fun?
Like you, it's not like, like, it
doesn't feel like a chore anymore.
You're like, maybe she's enjoying this.
Like, wow.
Yeah.
This is for me, like, for the first time.
That's so fun.
I know I have that experience, bro.
Very powerful.
Yeah.
So let's open it up.
Let's it's 607.
Um, I can, um, I can let it roll too.
If we, if we have more questions,
I just got a hard stop at 615, but
there might be some questions here.
I imagine their questions.
Cause damn, like you
just dropped some bombs.
So Brad's got a question or
at least, and I love you.
So I know he does love you.
So let's bring it, Brad.
Ryan Sabin: Rob, dude,
I'm so proud of you, man.
You're so
Robert Andrews: awesome.
Oh, thanks, man.
You guys are all awesome.
All your stuff with
Ryan Sabin: your wife is,
it's, it's, that's probably the
most inspiring to me the most.
Um, you just seem to have
a real connection with her.
Can you, can you talk more about that
vision you had in early December where
you just feel like you transformed?
Like, what, what do
you think spawned that?
What kind of things were going on
in your, in your head that were,
made you aware that you changed?
Ryan Carnohan: Uh oh, he went robot.
Robert Andrews: You there Rob?
Yes, can you hear me?
Yeah, so it was such it was such a massive
change that it was just Like, I mean, it
was like, what just happened, you know, so
like, and, and it happened like this, you
know, and like during that conversation
of just being able to listen to her, it
was, I felt like I was in like a, like a
vacuum in space to where like everything
else was black and I was just looking
into her eyes and listening, and we were
at like a nice restaurant, and, and like,
I didn't even like, this kind of started
to happen, like, Like getting into like
more of the deepness of the conversation.
When we're eating our salad,
we were sharing a salad.
And then when we got our, the entree,
like I never really even ate it.
And like two hours later, like, I'm
like, Oh dude, did we get like our food?
And like, did the waitress ever come?
Like I didn't, I was so impervious.
Like the restaurant could have
been like robbed while I was there
and I wouldn't even have known.
And, uh, so it was like this intense focus
and I was just, it was so, and that amount
of focus and, and to be able to listen to
her and for her to be able to like, Like,
she had no idea how deep she was going to
share it that day, and, and, and no real
plan, and she just kept going because
she felt safe, which was such a foreign
thought for her at that time, and, uh, so
it was, it was, uh, it just was undeniable
in that it had happened, um, and, and
then it was like my, I was like, whoa, I
just see the world completely differently
now, you know, and it's like, my kids are
just like, Looking at us, like, and, and
hearing us talk to each other, like, not
sharply, and just embracing each other
so much, and, and it was almost just
like we were, like, eighth graders, like.
You know, like, it's like your junior
high girlfriend or something, you know,
at Magic Mountain and, uh, and it was
just like intimately rad in that way
and, um, and really, man, it was like,
I felt like God reached down and just
touched me and changed me at that and
that moment, you know, and it was, you
know, I had prepared myself with, you
know, the work that I had did to be able
to Handle that suffering, you know, and
I feel like God used that moment to like,
Right?
I mean, because it's like, The
two become one flesh, right?
And God healed us both
so much at that moment.
Although my wife didn't have all of
these inadequacies that I had, she
had this pain that I didn't have.
And my inadequacies were
spiraling that over and over
for our whole marriage really.
And, and, and so like God changed
those things in me to bring healing to
her, but I had to do all of this work.
And learn how to suffer and sit
in discomfort to be able to sit
through that conversation, because
that never would have happened.
One, because she would have felt unsafe,
and two, because I wouldn't listen.
And even if she had planned it, I would
have just like, shut it off or like,
brought something else up or whatever.
So, um, you know, and so yeah,
I hope that answers, you know,
your, your, the question.
And so also during this time, I,
my wife had asked me to do this.
It's called men's skills through
the relationship resource
center at a local church.
And basically it's a, a marriage course
and you go through kind of like your
childhood trauma, your family of origin
stuff, this pain and peace cycle that
I kind of talked about earlier, and
you kinda learn about like why you
have these trigger feelings and, and
your coping mechanisms and, and how.
Like, that affects your spouse, um, and
plays into theirs, and, and so, my wife
had asked me to do this thing, which I
never would have done if I hadn't done
this program, because I never would have
agreed to, like, change all my night
shifts with somebody else, and sit at
this thing once a week for, like, two or
three hours to talk about this kind of
stuff, and, um, And even in that group,
man, people were like, when I had had this
transformation, they were like, geez, man,
like, who are you, you know, from like
the beginning of the group to the end, I'm
actually going to be like facilitating as
a leader in that program in the future.
Um, I just finished my training, but so,
um, you know, that also, that helped,
you know, like, I think my marriage in
a different way, it was like, you know,
um, kind of a combined effect, um, uh.
Like, getting prepared to, like, even
hear or think about these types of things
that I just never was able to even...
I wasn't even able to, like, think
that I should even think about
these types of things because I was
so selfish, basically, you know?
So selfish and so fragile, I guess, which,
you know, this, you know, Superhuman
Fathers really, like, smashes both of
those things out of your life, you know?
In a progression.
Thanks for asking that question, Brad.
Like, I hope that I...
That I, uh, responded in
a way that made sense.
Oh,
Ryan Sabin: definitely.
Definitely.
Cause, uh, yeah.
The longest time, I was this selfish,
fragile little bitch as well.
And so, um, I find my
eyes are slowly opening.
And my ears are opening as well.
And so,
Ryan Carnohan: things are changing
Ryan Sabin: here.
But, um, it's more of a progression.
But I, I, uh, The fact that you had
tunnel vision and everything else
went black and you, like, were in
the zone, just, it inspires me.
I hope that happens to be soon.
Kyle Carnohan: Hey guys, uh, I
know Ryan's got to close here.
Rob, thank you so much, um, for being
you, being a fucking walking miracle, bro.
Like, listen, I'm gonna look
at my wife different when she
walks in the door in 10 minutes.
Ryan Carnohan: Me too.
Like, I'm gonna go embrace her right now.
Like I, like I,
Kyle Carnohan: I've, I've had to change
now, you know, and so I want everyone
to feel that here's the other thing I
want everyone to understand and if, if,
if, you know, a lot of people are gone
now, but I hope people listen to this
recording because it's so important to
understand this one concept, one move
leads to another, and if that one move
is not made, you're stuck forever.
Do you understand what I'm telling you?
Everyone just stop and think, what
is that boulder in your way right
now that you're refusing to move?
You'll be stuck forever until
you move that boulder, that one.
You can look at Rob's along the way.
He had to go, he had to almost die for it
to shake him enough to become this man.
What's going to have to happen to you?
Are you going to have to be compelled?
Or are you just going to move
that thing out of the way?
That's the question.
Because there's more boulders in the
way that you're going to have to move.
And to get where Rob is.
You have to move a lot of them,
but one leads to the next, and even
though the next one's harder, it's
easier to move because you believe.
Does this
Ryan Carnohan: resonate with you, Rob?
Robert Andrews: Oh, yeah, man.
I mean, 100%.
I mean, it's a process, right, of
like, just peeling back things and,
and, and your eyes opening up to, to,
to more things as you, um, you know,
go through and, and, like how you
say, move boulders, you know, and.
But if like now I have more, you know
Ryan Carnohan: with the macros,
Kyle Carnohan: but if you
were still struggling and
not hitting those What if you
Ryan Carnohan: decided to
Kyle Carnohan: when that thought came
maybe I should stop drinking What if you
didn't what if you just were like nah,
I could still have a few every once in a
Robert Andrews: while yeah, I mean, yeah
all those things and it's like I feel
like you know that the calorie restriction
and the workouts like Like that is going
to put you in a place of mental clarity
where you're going to see things that
you will not see when you're not there
and And, and, uh, and if you're cheating
and, you know, like you're cheating
yourself, like I did it for on and off
for a long time until I didn't and, um,
so, so knock it off, you know, because
you're just, you're really just costing,
I mean, you're costing yourself time and
you're costing yourself the chance that
maybe you never will do it and you'll
never have that next boulder to move
to, to, to get to where you need to be.
You know, and, and maybe you're okay
with that for yourself, but are you okay
with that for your wife and your kids and
the other people that need to see you do
the impossible so that they can as well?
And so, if you're not doing what you know
you need to be doing, know that you're,
you know, leaving like, you know, like
how Kyle says, you're leaving those
demons to be slayed by your wife or
your kid or by a bunch of other people.
So, like it really is.
You know, we all really are connected in
your example, you know, follow through
and not giving people an excuse to
stay in their BS is, is everything, you
know, and time to level up if you're
not, you know, and stay connected.
That's the
Kyle Carnohan: message.
What do we always say?
Tie great spiritual meaning
to your daily habits, and you
will finally follow through.
So what Rob just showed you is
what happens when you go all in
and have faith in the process.
And so now you see just
a fitness program, right?
Ryan Carnohan: Yeah.
Kyle Carnohan: Love it.
Thank you.
Beautiful.
Robert Andrews: Yeah.
Thank you, Kyle.
Kyle Carnohan: This just changed lives.
Like you just gave back so much.
Um, you got 5
Ryan Carnohan: a.
m.
at your house
Robert Andrews: tomorrow morning.
Yeah.
There's a couple of guys come in.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, so already I'll be there.
You got the address, right?
Yeah.
It's in the text.
So all right.
Kyle Carnohan: Love you
guys for coming tonight.
Take care.
Robert Andrews: Thanks everyone.
Love you
Ryan Carnohan: guys.
That was epic.
Go serve your families.
Thanks for the example, Rob.
You can hear mine in the background.
Robert Andrews: Thank you, Rob.
Love you guys.
Thank you guys.
Ethan: Next Time on the Super Human
Fathers Transformation Podcast
Brad Corbett: I didn't do
it for my family at all.
In fact, back in those days.
You know, if it was 10 a.
m.
on a Sunday, I'm like, it's
time for dad to go to the gym.
I don't care what you
guys are doing at home.
I don't care whatever activities,
kids you have at home.
I don't care whatever plans,
wife you made at home.
That's when daddy's going to the gym.
You know, and so, you know, and even Wes,
you know, he, you know, he promoted the
same, the same message that Superhuman
Fathers does of doing it for your people.
But I didn't live that.
I did it for myself.
